Re: Missing in Action

Hey,
If you're still stopping by, I want to do you the courtesy of explaining my lengthy absence.  I know I don't owe you one, but my home training dictates some type of explanation is necessary, and it may be therapeutic for me as well.

Some of you are aware my hubby has been extremely ill.  It began with pneumonia in August.  He was hospitalized, dehydrated and in kidney failure, back home a week later.  Returned the next week for what we thought were complications.  Turned out he had had a heart attack at some point after the first discharge.  His heart had been damaged and was only functioning at 20%.  Over the next few months, he gradually gained his strength and was back to his usual schedule.  

At the end of October he became very ill, and we learned he had lost blood supply to his intestines, and it had begun to die.  If left alone, he would die in 4-5 days.  With surgery there was a slim possibility he would survive, but was already in such a fragile state they didn't think he would survive.  Plus, they would need to find a surgeon willing to do the surgery knowing the odds were so against his patient surviving.  Hubby had the surgery and has had two more since.

So he has been hospitalized since the first of November, and needs to have another surgery.  He's weak and fragile.  He has to get stronger before they do the next surgery.  At this point they're hoping he can be discharged by the end of the month and work on getting stronger at home. 

My poor hubby has such a strong will to live.  He'd rather be in pieces and still alive than dead.  I don't know that I would have made the same decisions as he'd had to make.  I think I'd rather be dead than in pieces.  I think. 

I say I think because there are those that I love that I know depend on me to be here because I give their lives more meaning.  Could they go on without me?  Sure.  But I would be missed.  Missed more than any other person that died?  Probably not.  But I know these lives would be changed in such a way that they don't deserve to suffer such a trauma if it may have been avoided. They'd rather have me in pieces, at least for a while, I think, than dead.

I don't have the luxury of thinking nobody would miss me.  I know there are those that would.  My pity parties usually have no basis because when I start to think nobody loves me, nobody cares, I can't deceive myself because I begin to think, well, so-and-so loves me and would miss me, this one loves me and would miss me, that one loves me and would miss me...it's a blessing and a curse.

To those I follow, I keep up-to-date thanks to Bloglovin.  Haven't been good about leaving comments, but I do visit your posts when they come up.  I haven't had time to work with my coloring or jewelry very much, and those are the two things that keep me sane.  I try to catch up with emails and the blogs I follow, watch a new video post to catch up. 

Thank you so much for your comments, prayers, and best wishes.  They are so appreciated.

And as always,

Thanks for stopping by.